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Puck Magazine – Channel Belles (Week Ending June 12, 1915) … Jewlarious – License to Smile — “Six Points of ID” (March 10, 2013 / 28 Adar 5773) …item 2.. Nutty Passover Recipes (March 24, 2013 / 13 Nisan 5773)…


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Whereas with people, at least in the State of New Jersey (where I live, for some reason), we have to show up with at least, according to the paper they sent us in the mail, "Six Points of ID". Apparently, every kind of ID is worth a certain amount of points, and if you have enough points, you can win valuable prizes later. You'd think the fact that you exist and are there should be good for at least a point or two.
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……..*****All images are copyrighted by their respective authors ……..
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… message header for the Puck Magazine

Puck was America's first successful humor magazine of colorful cartoons, caricatures and political satire on issues of the day. Published from 1871 until 1918, it was the first magazine to carry illustrated advertising and the first to successfully adopt full-color lithography printing for a weekly publication.
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…..item 1)…. License to Smile … www.aish.com/j/fs

Jewlarious … Jewish humor, arts and entertainment … Home » Jewlarious » Funny Stuff …

Time for my favorite errand – a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles!
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img code photo … License to Smile

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by Mordechai Schmutter

March 10, 2013 / 28 Adar 5773

www.aish.com/j/fs/License-to-Smile.html

I can't believe that every time I go to the DMV, I'm surprised there's a line. Every time. You'd think I'd know by now. I'm always like, "Whoa, it's out the door? What is this line for?" And the guy in front of me says, "This is the line to find out which line we have to wait in." Apparently, we have to wait our turns for that too.

They asked me for my weight. Doesn't that change over every Jewish holiday?

My wife and I recently had to get our licenses renewed at the DMV, or "Department of Motor Vehicles", as opposed to any other kinds of vehicles, such as the Department of Bikes and Skateboards. This is something that the state makes us do, in person, so they could know for sure whether we're still alive since the last time. (Apparently there's a big problem these days of dead people driving cars, in case you didn't notice by the pace of the people on the road in front of you.) And then they have to take another picture of us, to show that we're still alive, even though we can all agree that most license photos do not actually do a very good job of showing that.

Whereas with people, at least in the State of New Jersey (where I live, for some reason), we have to show up with at least, according to the paper they sent us in the mail, "Six Points of ID". Apparently, every kind of ID is worth a certain amount of points, and if you have enough points, you can win valuable prizes later.

You'd think the fact that you exist and are there should be good for at least a point or two.

But it's not. Obviously, if you show up, they know someone's not dead. But they don't know that that's you who's not dead. It could be someone else pretending to be you, not dead.

It's kind of a Catch-22. Normally, what all these official places require as proof is a valid driver's license. But the reason you're there in the first place is that your driver's license is rapidly becoming no longer valid. Sure, you can show them your old license. But isn't part of the point that you no longer look like that picture? At best, you look like that person's older sibling. At worst, you look like their bubby.

So you have to go on a scavenger hunt to find pieces of paper that can prove that you are who you say you are, rather than just being someone who stole pieces of paper from the person you say you are. This scavenger hunt shows commitment. It shows that you're committed to getting your license renewed, even if it means tracking down a piece of paper that's as old as you are, which is not easy, because for the first few years there, you thought paper was something you were supposed to eat.

Thankfully, the DMV does send out a list of everything you can bring in, and how many points each one is worth:
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… Piece of paper as old as you are, with original bite marks. – 4 points
… Bringing along a next door neighbor who knows you – 1 point
… Personally knowing the guy at the DMV – 6 points
… JDate profile, with photo – 2 points
… Document that you have to pass back and forth from husband to wife while they're simultaneously being helped at two separate counters because they came in one car – 2 points

… Aliyah card from your shul, complete with your father's name – 1 point
… Personalized check with a signature – 1 point for every two zeros
… Article you've written for the internet, with bio – 0 points, apparently
… Actual number of your house, taken off your front door – 1 point. But only valid if you also bring in a street sign from your corner.
… Photo of your home, with your car parked in the driveway – 2 points

… Valid NJ firearm card (this is really on the list) – 3 points
… Valid NJ firearm – 12 points
… Picture in the paper (with caption), unless it's because you got arrested – 2 points
… Copy of your bank statement clearly showing that you're not someone that people would lie about being – 2 points

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But even though you have to prove you're alive beyond shadow of a doubt so they can then take a picture of you, you don't have to retake the test, I guess because they assume that once you take it, that means you know everything. Though that's ridiculous. In reality, once you take a test, everything you studied goes straight out the window. I say this as a teacher. And as a driver whose spent time on the road, watching people forget rules as they drive.

But you do have to fill out a form. I did that while waiting on the second line of the day, using my big pile of points as a surface. One question that the form asked was my weight. Why? Doesn't that change over every Jewish holiday? Or at least in the 4 years until I have to get another license? Why do they ask for details that are constantly fluctuating? Like hair color. Or height. Because I noticed on my way home that I wrote a shorter number on the form than I did the last time. This doesn't mean I'm shrinking, I don't think. I used to believe I was six feet tall. I described myself as "about six feet", for dating purposes. But after enough people who were clearly taller than me insisting that they, too, were 6 feet tall, and why would they lie to make themselves shorter? I found out that I'm more like 5' 11", by which I secretly mean 5' 10".

But does your height matter? When the cop pulls you over, you're sitting in a car. He's not going to make you get out so he can verify your height. And what about your weight? Does the cop need to know if he can lift you, or put you on the back of his bike and haul you to the station? Maybe it's just an incentive to keep our weight down as much as we can, to get our country's stats down. The weight I'm at now is the weight I have to stay at for the next 4 years. On the other hand, I'm afraid to lose weight too. It's like after I buy a Shabbos suit.

Anyway, it turns out they didn't even put my weight on the license. It's just some impolite question they ask off the bat for no reason, to get you in a grumpy mood before you're even in the building.

The weight did show up in my picture, though.
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…..item 2)…. Nutty Passover Recipes … Home » Jewish Holidays » Passover » Recipes

… aish.com … www.aish.com/h/pes/r …

March 24, 2013 / 13 Nisan 5773

You're family and guests will go nuts over these dishes!
by Sharon Matten

www.aish.com/h/pes/r/Nutty-Passover-Recipes.html

I'm a little behind on my Passover preparations – like most people! To plan my menus I sat down and went through all my Passover cookbooks, searched online for recipes, and started to develop a plan. I also wanted to come up with some new and interesting, and of course delicious recipes that everyone in my family hasn't had every single Passover ("Pepper Chicken…again??") Then I thought – NUTS! There are many Kosher for Passover nuts available of all kinds, and they add great flavor to recipes. These dishes are a blast to make, using crunched potato chips, marshmallows and chocolate (yes I did lick the chocolate off of my fingers after making the Rocky Road Chocolate Treats). You'll go nuts over these recipes…really…you will!! Chag Kasher V'Sameach!
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— PECAN AND POTATO CHIP
CRUSTED CHICKEN BREASTS
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img code photo … PECAN AND POTATO CHIP

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These schnitzel pieces taste like they took you hours to make but take no time at all to prepare…and they are baked not fried. If you shnooker a few chips from the bag while making this recipe I promise not to tell anyone – just be sure to leave enough for the chicken! Or better yet, buy an extra bag to nosh on!
This recipe is great year round for the GFE (Gluten Free Eater)!

… 14 ounce package potato chips
… 6 ounces ground pecans
… 1 teaspoon onion powder
… ½ teaspoon garlic powder
… ½ teaspoon paprika
… 2 ½ pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts (around 6 cutlets)
… 3 large eggs, well beaten and placed in a medium bowl
… Non-stick vegetable spray
… Additional chopped pecans – optional

Preheat oven to 375° F. Line a large baking sheet with foil, spray with non-stick vegetable spray, set aside.

Remove the tenders from the backs of the chicken breasts, and reserve for another use. Split the chicken breasts in half lengthwise to make 12 thin cutlets (for more information on how to do this please see my video – Spice Packet Shnitzel – The Movie). Set them aside.

In a food processor, grind the potato chips until finely ground. If you don't have a Kosher for Passover food processor, place the chips in a large plastic zipper bag. Seal the bag, making sure to get as much air out of the bag as possible. Using a rolling pin or wine bottle, crush the chips to a fine crumb. Add the ground pecans, onion powder, garlic powder and paprika and process until the ingredients are thoroughly combined. If using the bag method, add the pecans and spices and shake to combine.

Transfer the crumbs to a shallow baking dish. Dip a chicken breast into the beaten egg to coat, then press into the crumb mixture. Turn the cutlet over and press into the crumb mixture again until completely coated. Set the coated chicken breast on the prepared baking sheet and repeat with the remaining chicken breasts. Give the coated chicken breasts a good spray with the non-stick vegetable spray. Bake for 25 minutes until cooked through and golden brown. Sprinkle with additional chopped pecans & serve warm.
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— WALNUT & QUINOA BURGERS
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img code photo … WALNUT & QUINOA BURGERS

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For an additional delicious punch, sauté diced zucchini and/or shredded carrots with the garlic and onion. Proceed with the recipe as described below. This recipe is great year round for the GFE (Gluten Free Eater)!

… 2 cups uncooked quinoa, rinsed
… 4 cups boiling water
… 1 large onion, finely diced
… 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
… 1 clove garlic, crushed (you can use a frozen cube)
… 12 ounces ground walnuts
… ½ teaspoon fine sea salt (or to taste)
… ¼ teaspoon black pepper (or to taste)
… 4 large eggs

Oil for frying

In a large saucepan combine the quinoa and boiling water. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to low. Cover and cook for 15 minutes until all the water is absorbed. Turn off heat and allow the cooked quinoa to sit covered for an additional 5 minutes. Remove cover and allow quinoa to cool. (This step can be done in advance.)

Heat oil in a medium skillet. Add diced onions and sauté until the onions are caramelized. Add the walnuts, salt, pepper and onions to the cooled quinoa. Stir to combine. Add the eggs and blend until the eggs are evenly distributed. Form the quinoa-walnut mixture into patties. Add additional oil to the skillet and fry the patties until golden brown on each side. Makes around 24 patties.
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— MACHANEH YEHUDA CABBAGE SALAD
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img code photo … MACHANEH YEHUDA CABBAGE SALAD

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During my recent trip to Israel I went to visit one of my favorite spots in Israel – the Pereg store in Machaneh Yehuda. Mordechai (the guy behind the counter) spent nearly an hour having me sample all the fabulous spices and seasonings in the store. After tasting most of the loose varieties, I left with a "few" packed bags of Pereg ingredients. One of my favorite mixes was, according to Mordechai, "Good with Cabbage", and when I made the salad the Shabbat after we got home it was a huge hit! Here is my version of the Machaneh Yehuda Cabbage Salad. Feel free to add more sugar or salt according to your personal preference. Keep in mind that the type of oil you use will also add different flavor to the salad. Bitayavon!!

This recipe is great year round for the GFE (Gluten Free Eater)!

… 4-5 cups shredded cabbage (or ¼ small cabbage)
… 1 cup blanched slivered almonds (can use halved or sliced instead)
… 1 cup dried cranberries (can use dried cherries or currents instead)
… 1 ½ teaspoons dried dill weed
… 1 tablespoon oil
… ½ teaspoon salt
… ¼ teaspoon black pepper
… 1 tablespoon sugar

Toss all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Chill for 15-30 minutes before serving.
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— ROCKY ROAD CHOCOLATE TREATS
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img code photo … ROCKY ROAD CHOCOLATE TREATS

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With all the time consuming Pesach preparations, it's nice to have a super-zippy-quick treat recipe to fall back on. These treats are sweet and crunchy, and best of all chocolaty!!

… 5 ounces mini marshmallows
… 2 cups matzoh farfel
… 2 cups chopped walnuts
… 12 ounces chocolate chips, melted
… 1 tablespoon oil

Line a large baking sheet with foil. Set aside.

In a large bowl, toss together the mini-marshmallows, matzoh farfel, and walnuts. Set aside.
Combine the oil with the melted chocolate and stir until smooth. Pour the melted chocolate over the marshmallow-farfel-walnut mix. Stir until all the ingredients are completely coated with chocolate. Drop a spoonful at a time on the prepared cookie sheet. Refrigerate until set.

Alternative method: Spread the entire mixture on the baking sheet in an even layer. Refrigerate until set, then break into bite size pieces.

For more Passover recipes go to www.koshereveryday.com, or check out my Passover 2012 recipes on aish.com – Mainly Meringues, where you'll find recipes for adorable meringue frogs and cute meringue flowers, and yummy Passover Broccoli Noodle Kugel.
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Apple iPad by Stephen Colbert


Image by Photo Giddy
www.iPhonesavior.com

watch video: www.iphonesavior.com/2010/01/stephen-colbert-whips-out-ap…

P1030017


Image by docteur_chris
Cop’s errors and Video: Strange headline for a strange place.

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