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They have just found Jimmy Savile’s diary.

His last entry was about 10 years old.

Jimmy Saville’s alleged victims say they just want justice.

That’s a funny word for money.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Peter’s church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written in to Points of view.

When will the madness end?

If you burn a Koran, a Muslim may burn your house down.

Jokes on him – my house is full of Korans.

Even though he had many girlfriends…Jimmy Saville never tied the knot….

Because you have to be at least 16 to get married.

X Factor fixed? That’s as ridiculous as claiming Jimmy Savile was a paedophile…

I once met Abu Hamza on a fishing trip to a trout farm.

Fuck knows what he thought he was going to catch?

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

You could hear a pin drop at work today.

They really can’t take a joke at Grenade training.

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then

The Pope walks into a Mosque.

The imam says "Why the wrong faith?"

Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church…

The priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession.

You’ve got to hand it to Jimmy Savile.

After he was turned down for the priesthood he went it alone.

Photographs in the paper today show Katie Price wearing a custom-made diamond bracelet, with a matching ring and necklace, bought for her by new boyfriend Alex Reid.

Is anyone else thinking Pimp My Ride?

Katie Price splits with Alex Reid "for children’s sake".

Turns out Harvey was jealous cause he wasn’t the biggest spastic of the family.

Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse’s funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon.

If Amy Childs was any thicker she could be used to tar the road.

Putting Amy Childs on a general knowledge show is like playing pictionary with stevie wonder.

Charlotte Church:

Voice of an angel, Vagina of a mineshaft.

Looks like that in addition to "Freddie Starr ate my hamster", they should have printed "Jimmy Savile licked my beaver".

I hear some singers line their throats with Vaseline to help make their voices smoother.

I don’t believe everything Elton John says.

New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashier’s face as you pay: Priceless

There has been a distinct lack of extremist suicide bombers recently.
Many potential bombers have realised that one of those 72 virgins waiting for them in the afterlife could be Susan Boyle.

Tulisa has announced she will be naked in her next video.

It’s not a cynical ploy to sell records, it’s just because JJB Sports has closed down.

What’s hard, black and makes Tulisa look incompetent?

A microphone.

Top Ten Signs You Won’t Win "American Idol"
From the Late Show with David Letterman

10. You dedicate "I Will Always Love You" to Saddam Hussein

9. Backstage, people say, "Are you still here?"

8. North Korea says if you lose they’ll stop producing enriched uranium

7. Your mother says, "You’re okay, but I’m really a big fan of Ruben"

6. You were recently named the three of clubs on the "Most Wanted Iraqi" playing cards

5. You’ve already appeared on another reality show — "Cops"

4. Vegas gives you the same odds of winning it all as the Mets

3. You cancel your performance to stay home and watch "Jag"

2. Simon beats you with the microphone stand

1. Your voice is muffled by the SARS mask

These days, safe sex isn’t just a good idea, it’s a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe"…

Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

Think about parents’ nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

Don’t fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

Before unsafe sex, think to yourself what the kids will look like.

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.

Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don’t have AIDS, do you?"

Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.

You CAN get it from kissing… tear out partner’s tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.

If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out before hand to hope for the best.

Before the use of condoms, unroll completely and check for any holes.

2 things I’ve been cursed with are a weak bladder, and terrible amnesia.

Still, this bottle of apple juice should take my mind off things.

Nasa have come up with a mission costing millions of dollars to clean up all the old satellites in orbit around the earth.

A cheaper option would be to just send up a couple of Gypsies in a transit van.

Adverts for erection problems, must be hard for some men to watch.

Snakes can unhinge their jaws so that their mouth is many times the size of their brain.

Politicians do this too.

One of my catholic relatives asked me how i plan to explain myself to St Peter when I get to the Pearly Gates. So I asked him how he planned to explain himself to the lion and the witch when he stumbles through his closet into Narnia.

Warning Signs That I Am Overheated


Image by vasta
Just another Bay Street Video sign. They bring a chuckle to my face.

2012_06_090042 video of a nervous cat


Image by Gwydion M. Williams
Quite comic. And mostly in focus: the system somehow selected a bad moment

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